;paper faces on parade

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

has it ever occurred to you that i just don't care?

i think i should quit swimming, seriously.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

i suck. i toally suck.

these days all i feel is either depressed or pissed. don't ask me why.

i'm sorry, to all you ppl reading my blog. i know i shouldn't torture you with my problems, but thats what a blog is for right? and anyway, i've said it before and i'll say it again. if my entries bother you then just don't come here. you can leave right now. there's a red carpet rolled out already.

nowadays it seems that every happy thing i've experienced will be or has been overshadowed by something equally or more unpleasant or unbearable. i don't know why. i just can't seem to do anything right anymore.

sigh.

training training training school school school exams exams exams tuition tuition tuition. the list goes on. its the same old thing day in, day out, and i wouldn't mind doing them so much if i could at least achieve something, but the worst part is that i'm getting absolutely no where in any of these things. i know, if you fail, try, try and try again, but i've tried so many times, tried so hard, but still i achieve nothing, or minimal results. so really, what IS the point of trying so hard any longer?

right now, i hate myself, i hate training, i hate school, i hate the world. so if, at any time recently i have offended you by snapping at you or anything like that, well, sorry ok.

yes yes i know. everyone's busy too, so what right do i have to moan on and on and on about my bloody problems? well, i've told you, this is my blog, my right to say things that i want, so if you can't stomach it, please leave.

its raining. just the right kinda weather to reflect my mood i guess.

hmmmmmmmmmmm.

i could go on and on. but i wouldn't want to bore you. (:

goodbbye. i hate me (:

why do you build me up buttercup baby
just to let me down.

kat â¥ 9:16 PM link to post 0 comments

Saturday, September 24, 2005

not gonna have time to blog later cos we have a family function on, so i decided to blog now.

trng today was okay i guess. the drills and the 300s were quite slack. and we had about 20 mins left at the end cos someone didn't plan the program properly. (we shall call this person he-who-shall-not-be-named from here on.) yes. so the person in question told us that we were going to do relay with the advance people instead to pass the time.

that was fine, cos we thought it would be quite fun. (and it was, i'm not saying it wasn't) anyway, we did relays until 0930, whereupon this he-who-shall-not-be-named decided that we should have one more relay before we left. quite a few ppl told this person that it was 0930 already. but did he listen? NOOOOOOOOOO. he insisted on having that relay, completely ignoring our protests. to add to that, he took so bloody effing long to organise the relay. and it was like 9.35? so me and another person got fedup and just took our stuff and walked off.

he-who-shall-not-be-named was like, "oy!" but we didn't care did we? we just walked into the toilets.

serves him right, i say.

i don't care if he reports me to jaan or anything. he deserved what he got. just cos most ppl don't dare/bother to tell him that they hate him, doesn't mean that i'll do the same. i'll openly broadcast it if i have to.

what's jaan gonna do? scold me? suspend me? expel me? even if he does, i don't care. let him. i won't mind quitting. i suck anyway. i can't move at all. i'm slower than everyone during training. so honestly, i wouldn't mind.

but hey, if i get suspended, that'll be one less person going to sea age from the club next year. (i'm not being egotistical here, its hypothetically speaking.)

yup.

i'd also like to tell everyone reading my blog that this person sucks and thinks he's so bloody funny and laughs at totally the wrong time and tells the lamest jokes and thinks he's the greatest freak in the world just cos he got featured in that papers or sth. yes. and i hope he knows i hate him and doesn't ever try to impress the squad by being "smart" ever again. i once told him, "you're like, REALLY funny you know." wonder if he actually got the point or took it at face value. mygod. maybe thats why he still insists on telling us all this freaking bloody moronic stuff and persisting in his asnine ways.

god.

whew. that felt good. i had to get that out. the walking out this morning felt hell good as well. he deserves it.

so much for that. =)

i think i need some time by myself
without anybody else
i just need to unwind
in my time machine

kat â¥ 5:55 PM link to post 0 comments

Monday, September 19, 2005

this shall be a short post.=)

i have no idea why the posts are in such thick font. :

PSL PSL PSL! its finally confirmed! (i think) yay i'm so happy.

benkheng got an ipod nano. his zen got destroyed by me, he says. hurricane katrina ><

this is a stupid post.

~~imiss my nice thing. =(~~ nono i'm not thinking about you. i won't i won't i won't. since you're totally unattainable, then i don't see why i'm so stuck on you. as this book that i'm reading says, if he knows you like him and he doesn't talk to you, then he's not worth wasting your time on. yup. so thats that.

cos i miss you
and i don't wanna miss a thing.

kat â¥ 1:49 PM link to post 0 comments

Friday, September 16, 2005

eengleesh orals today. thought the examiner would be ahlau but it tirned out to be jtoh. wonder of wonders. he's quite nice i think. but i don't think so bad la. i didn't bother to study at all. i didn't really care whether i passed or failed. come to think of it, i still don't.

i can't believe i trained this morning. i was already dying from last night's trng, but cos jaan wasn't there this evening, so i decided that i didn't wanna *AHEM* ssc ppl should know. i don't think many ppl went. hahaha. well anyway, this morning's set was quite ok. 2(5x100) cruise. 1 set form 1 set no 2. on 1.35 and 1.25 respectively. only made 9 though. i sorta died for the back. bleah.

I AM BLOODY SLOW.

argh. i look at the ppl at aag and sea age, and then i look at myself, i realise that i have no chance of competing at all, cos i'm so horribly pathetic i can't even go fast. i mean, i'm so freaking slow for god's sake. i get so pissed off when i think about how slow i am and i wish i were faster, and as pro as those ppl. its really frustrating. ><

~~imissyou~~ no i don't. i promised myself i wouldn't think about you anymore. but its not working.>< maybe i should just not talk about you at all. =)

i love the ipod nano! i'm gonna buy it when i've saved up enough. next year after chi new year. XD ilove it! the white one! yay.

if i could fall into the sky
do you think time
would pass me by

kat â¥ 10:33 PM link to post 0 comments

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

~~i am fart~~ hiew calls me that. don't ask me why. : i think its short for arstyfart and don't ask me where she got that name from either. ><

the school's fried chicken is nice. sometimes.

lol so random.

i'm not over you yet. i try and try but i can't seem to get you out of my head. whyyyy.

i dunno what to talk abt. hmmmm. ohyeah. yesterday i did the fly set. 2(7x100) fly on 1.40. with fins, but seeing my fly is so horrid, i was dying. breaking storke like anything. and doing 3 kicks instead of 2. >< i can't believe i survived that. i don't think i even trained that hard in p6 when i did 1.09 for 100 fly. back then all i trained were 50's. can you imagine if i had trained that hard in p6? i might have done 1.07 or sth right. haha.

YEAH. KAT IS DOING FLY! :) -hiewy.

i cant qualify for australian age anymore la. i won't make the times.

GO FART GO. YOU CAN DO IT! WE CAN DO IT! (maybe i can't. haha) -says hiewy (serene).

she commands me to leave it there. bah.

anyway, as i was saying before i was so rudely interrupted, i can't qualify. the 100 back time is 1.07 and if i make that i would most surely qualify for the 2007 sea games. hah. fat hope. and 200 back. thats needless to say. i surely won't qualify for that. BAH. katkatkat, why are you SO LOUSY? ><

mope. ipod mini is on sale! so says kwok. only at j8. $308 now! save $40 bucks. but i haven't saved enough yet. sadsadsad. kwok is going to buy! bweah. iwant.

i'm just out to find
the better part of me.

kat â¥ 11:00 AM link to post 0 comments

Saturday, September 10, 2005

hmm ok i just felt like putting this up. haha.

went back to train for the first time in a week today. couldn't feel the water at all. : | completely lost my feel for the water. and for the heart rate set i was going 1.35+. god i think it was the worst trng session of my life. i almost died. the feelingwhen you want to go fast but just can't is horrid. i felt like a block a wood just floating there. the feeling was indescribably torturous.

nothing much to say. i shall rave. shall i?

thanks for being nice to me for a short while. i must say i liked you. the feeling wasn't mutual, i know. but still. anyway, now i guess its time for me to let go of you and go on.i know all this is silly cos i haven't really known you for very long, but somehow i feel that i've known you for the longest time. i dunno why. well, yeah, so i suppose i'll try to stop thinking about you and find someone else instead. thanks for acting like you cared for a while. =)

and it seems to me that you've lived your life
like a candle in the wind

kat â¥ 10:23 PM link to post 0 comments

Thursday, September 08, 2005

well now, lets get started

being sick is one of the worse things that could happen to a child on holiday. i just recovered from this horrid bout of illness. i think i was sick for 4 days. temp was like, 37-38, then on the third day it went up to 39. she was like ! and made me go to the doc the next day. -.- doc gave me antibiotics as expected. dumb throat infection. my throat still hurts like crazy. ><

for when we get to the end

trying to do the chem worksheets now. sigh. they're actually quite fun in a way. :p see the zee isn't having a party today. why, zee? "i suppose its just as well," said she, "for it gives me a chance to complete the work that i left untouched, all those days that the wretched illness consumed me."

we shall know more than we did then

but do we, really?

well, i know, for one thing, that you don't like me. and now i'm sure of that, so thankyouverymuch.

i'll be a fool for you no longer
perhaps its better this way.

kat â¥ 10:50 PM link to post 0 comments

Sunday, September 04, 2005

i'm really too lazy to blog about the whole open champs. i'll just say that i did 3 pb's. 200 free, 2.19, 200im, 2.38, 50 fly, 30.90. i know my 200's are slow. but they're still pb's. i slacked 400 and 800 free. i didn't really care. was feeling sick anyway.

lol the funniets part of the meet was when mansheng was trying to get out of swimming 400 free. he was pretending to have pulled his leg muscle and was groaning away to jaan. lol it was super funny. i have the video of it somewhere on my comp. ^^

hmm. overall open champs wasn't bad. vp won! with so few elite squad ppl to boot. yay vice-president rocks!

the water's rising
and i'm slipping under.

kat â¥ 5:15 PM link to post 0 comments