Tuesday, May 30, 2006
YAY leaving for sea age tmr! thanks to all those who wished me and i'll miss all of you! LOVE YOU GUYS <3333>< yea thats it. short post la. hope i didn't forget to bring anything. AH SLIPPERS! -rushes off-
BYEE I'LL SEE YOU GUYS ON TUES! (:
kat â¥
7:30 AM
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Saturday, May 27, 2006
I AM FREE!!!! finally. hahaha now there's only rs to do la. that's not so bad. BYE HIEW! OFF TO JAPAN BUY ME SOMETHING I LOVE YOU! <33
yay leaving for sea age on wed. mm should be fun. junkfoodparty! x)
i'm high now la. mm got training tmr. byee this is a short post! i'm so r a n d o m. (reminiscent of e.e. cummings.)
kat â¥
7:09 AM
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Tuesday, May 23, 2006
i know this is lame and i'm supposed to be mugging, but i'm counting this as a break. x) (kopped from vinna's blog hahaahahah)
<60>have you:
1) smoked
2) consumed alcohol
3) slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex
4) slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex
5) made out with someone of the opposite sex
6) made out with someone of the same sex
7) had someone in your room of the opposite sex
8) watched porn
9) bought porn
10) done drugs
TOTAL: 5
11) taken pain killers
12) taken someone else's prescription medicine
13) lied to your parents
14) lied to a friend
15) snuck out of the house
16) done something illegal
17) cut yourself
18) hurt someone
19) wished someone to die
20) seen someone die
TOTAL: 6
21) missed curfew
22) stayed out all night
23) eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself
24) been to a therapist
25) been to rehab
26) dyed your hair
27) received a ticket
28) been in a wreck
29) been to a club
30) been to a bar
TOTAL: 1
31) been to a wild party
32) seen the Mardi Gras
34) had a spring break in Florida
35) sniffed anything
36) wore black nail polish
37) wore arm bands
38) wore t-shirts with band names
39) listened to rap
40) own a 50 cent CD
TOTAL: 2
41) dressed gothic
42) dressed prep
43) dressed punk
44) dressed grunge
45) stole something
46) been too drunk to remember anything
47) blacked out
48) fainted
49) had a crush on your neighbour
50) had someone sneak into your room
TOTAL: 1
51) snuck into someone else's room
52) had a crush on someone of the same sex
53) been to a concert
54) dry humped someone
55) been called a slut
56) called someone a slut
57) installed speakers in your car
58) broke a mirror
59) showered at someone of the opposites sex's house
60) brushed your teeth with someone elses toothbrush
TOTAL: 2
61) consider Mac, Dre, e40 or Mistah Fab your favorite rapper
62) seen an R rated movie in theaters
63) cruised the mall
64) skipped school
65) had an eating disorder
66) had an injury
67) gone to court
68) walked out of a restaurant without paying
69) caught something on fire
70) lied about your age
TOTAL: 3
71) owned an apartment
72) cheated on your boyfriend/girlfriend
73) cheated with someone
74) got in trouble with the police
75) talked to a stranger
76) hugged a stranger
77) kissed a stranger
78) rode in the car with a stranger
79) been sexually harassed
80) been verbally harassed
TOTAL: 1
81) met face to face with someone you met online
82) stayed online for 12 hours straight
83) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours straight
84) watched TV for 12 hours straight
85) been to a fair
86) been called a bad influence
87) cursed
88) prank called someone
89) laid in the bed with someone of the opposite sex
90) cheated on a test
TOTAL: 7
91) cheated on homework
92) held hands with someone of the opposite sex
93) been pushed into a pool
94) played pool
95) watched 5 hours of mtv straight
96) had a crush on someone 10 years older than you
97) had a crush on someone younger than you
98) wear eyeliner
99) skinny dipped
100) laughed at someone who was seriously hurt
TOTAL: 5
total: 34! i'm an angel. x)
i'm no angel.
who am i kidding.
kat â¥
8:35 AM
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Monday, May 22, 2006
shate i know digressing is evil but i can't concentrate on anything. my mind is all over the place. i really need to get things sorted out before i can really sit down to mug, but by the time everything in my brain is where it should be, i think i'll be out of time. i think i must be a really evil person. i'm just killing myself slowly here. i know i should be studying, but everytime i look at the chem textbook i just want to cry. i know i'm being an escapist here, but it would help if there was actually someone to explain everything to me. i only get the simple stuff like preparation of gases. SOMEONE SAVE ME.
i think my life is a mess. it really is. i can't do anything right. can't swim well, can't study well, damn it i'm even a bad classchair. i'm sorry i've let somany people down. i really try. but it gets so hard. i really need a break now. really need to let some steam off. i want to pound the wall and scream and punch something and inflict pain on myself just so that the physical pain will take my mind off the emotional and mental turmoil. i'd really just like to know what my life is supposed to be about, cos its so screwed it can't possibly be for anything.
yeah, i know.
i'm useless.
i admit it.
kat â¥
7:27 AM
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Sunday, May 14, 2006
GAH maths is tmr! i was panicking so much at home just now cos i really couldn't do the quadratic functions! and i still can't. omg wish me luck for tmr cos i really need it this time. i'm terrified that i'm gonna fail. ><
omg i'm dying. chem eoi in 2 weeks! i'm totally gonna flunk that too. okok short update lar. should go sleep now. really short on sleep this week.
i wish you'd look at me that wayyour beautiful eyes looking deep into minetelling me more than any words could say.but you don't even know i'm alive.
kat â¥
6:50 AM
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Thursday, May 11, 2006
i'm digressing. i'm supposed to be doing math, but i'm taking so long just to finish the functions revision worksheet. i have to stop after every question to consult the textbook, then try to relate what's inside there to the question. i've spent 45 mins figuring out the first 3 questions. i'm so screwed for maths la. i got most of the rev ws questions wrong, and i'm totally lost when it comes to quadratic graphs. like finding the equation of the curve and stuff. and why on earth would they think we'd even want to know these things? maybe 1 in 200 people is going to be a mathematician, but i don't see how learning advanced math will help anyone of us lead better lives in the future. BAH.
ok, so i've just finished it. and it wasn't that bad..i guess. once you've kind of - note, kind of - gotten the basics straight. i'm quite ok with trigo i think. its the dumb quadratic graphs thing that i'm terrified of. >< i bet i'm gonna fail this test. and though we're on the subject of failing, please don't even get me started on chem spa, chem eoi, chinese etc. ahhh i'm dead.
i'm standing on the edg
e
break, jump or fly?
kat â¥
10:40 PM
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Saturday, May 06, 2006
OMG there's lit and physics tmr and i'm completely not prepared. SHATE la i'm surely gonna die. i dunno why i'm blogging again after having blogged already last night, but i just can't seem to concentrate on physics. ><>:|
i was just thinking last night. i decided that since i've been forced to continue swimming until j2 at least then i'll just go to the pool and do whatever i can like a robot. don't expect me to have anymore passion for a sport that just makes me want to scream and shout and cry. at best i'll do it without saying anything, but i'll be screaming inside, be sure of that. and i suppose another reason i'm continuing is just so that i can see you. granted that its not really very often, but at least i do still get to see you sometimes, and that's enough for me. (:
okok i'm sorry for making everyone who reads my blog unhappy too, but there's no other place for me to write this stuff, so just bear with me. ><
i feel as if i really can't smile anymore. don't ask me why. i may seem happy most of the time, but honestly, that's all a facade, nothing more. humans are such stupid creatures. i hate all the phony pretensions and the walls that we erect around ourselves. why can't we just be sincere.
huh. LUNCH. what's the point of even eating. rarrs. forgetit. i'll go away and hide myself under a rock.
my world is falling apart.
kat â¥
9:30 PM
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2.4 was ok i guess. decided that i was tired halfway through and ended up walking about 2 rounds. dots. i figured i only had to go fast enough to get an A right? so i was like, what the heck.. x)
hell this morning was retarded lar. we had swum like 8x50 of the warm up when there was thunder and lightning so we had to get up and do dryland. >< its not as if we did anything productive for that.. 45 mins(?) that we were up there. jaan went through the targets for each individual group by school nats, and i tell you, i can't make half the stuff for the D group even. 16x50 fly with fins on 60, perfect underwater kick, no breaking stroke, breathing every 2nd stroke. like what the *! looking at his criteria, i realised i wasn't even as fast as the smallies man. heck la. i dunno how everyone gets that kind of motivation to train hard anyway.
then he asked who thought all those times and sets were hard but achievable in the long run, and almost everyone stoof up but edmund, marc-us and me. dots. i should have just stood up with everyone else. and jaan just HAD to go ask why each of us thought the sets were unachievable (i guess i should have seen that coming though) so i had to answer right. then he made me go sit next to him and like blah blah blah. and i dunno why the hell i started tearing la. for clarification's sake, i'd rather you guys helped me quit swimming, and not help motivate me anymore, cos i'm just totally sick of it. the only reason i actually bother to go anymore is
1. i'm forced to go
2. i go to see friends.
its as simple as that.
doesn't life just seem meaningless at times? like you're in a dark, endless tunnel of which there is no way out? that's my life at the moment. good at nothing, can't do anything right, get something done but end up screwing the whole blasted thing.. the list goes on. and i don't think its gonna get any better.
so that brings me to another question. what on earth is the meaning of life? its a question that has been asked multiple times by multiple people, but its just never occurred to me to ask that question.. until now. is there nothing more to life than floundering about like a dead fish on the deck of a fishing boat, neither getting anywhere nor going anywhere? like a hamster running on its wheel in that endless cycle that repeats itself over and over again. life is exactly like that. you feel trapped yet there's nothing you can do about it.
i'd give anything to leave this life behind and go someplace happier where i don't have to worry about anything. someplace.. i dunno. there's no such thing as heaven on earth anyway. not for me at least. oh what the hell is the point of writing all this anyway, its not like its gonna alleviate any problem anyway.
i hate my life
its as simple as that.
kat â¥
1:41 AM
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Monday, May 01, 2006
yesterday was a GOOD day! x)
first there was training in the morning that was totally slack as usual. he was trying to scold ppl but not really succeeding at it very well, cos as far as i know, there were many people actually laughing at him. :D
yup, so after a highly satisfying training session came gala (later in the day of course)
gala this year was wayy better then last year's. the emcee was so much better than last year's. still corny, but at least he was amusing everyone, and not just the small kids. yeaa. the food was pretty ok. pizza, spaghetti, erm cakes (BROWNIES! ah, heaven i tell you. x)), laksa etc. whee at least they gave better food than asean cup >< i think they had a serious lack of waiters ok. you know they didn't even fill our cups up once!
the skit was fantastic! everyone enjoyed it so much! (i think) and leonard was just sitting there with a half pissed half act cool face. y'know, like, i-want-to-look-pissed-but-i'll-look-like-a-bad-sport-so-i'll-smile-abit kinda face. AHA that was waayy cool. i'm sorry i didn't get to do the hamster dance you guys! >< i really wanted to but had to rush off alr. nvm, there's always next year huh.
and then at 940, ZOOM, off to marissa's house for sleepover! got there quite late cos mum kinda got lost and we ended up on west coast highway. >< hmm yea but it was super fun.went upstairs to find marissa lying on the floor wrapped up in a blanket moaning about stuff to the others. haha secrets all around! shh. x)) yup. then we watched the sisterhood of the travelling pants and pigged out on junkfood. i kinda missed the middle part of the movie cos i was thinking about.. stuff, but i think overall it was a good movie. spent the rest of the night pestering zes' friends on msn HAHA. was really funny but i think zes had a lot of explaining to do this morning right. haha oops.
then went back up to the room and marissa started moaning again. and then she made me think, and it made me think of stuff i'd thought i had gotten over. rarrs. read an archie comic to shut it out. >< yup. think we went to bed at 4am? i'm gonna regret it tmr man. but on the bright side, there's no maths tmr. haha they're slack days, even week tuesdays are.
yup. so, a great ending to the long weekend. :D we HAVE TO HAVE TO do it again sometime ok! haha marissa yanhan zes kristin <33!
lovetangles on a stringlike slow spinning redemption.
kat â¥
6:23 AM
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